Sugar and Spice and Everything That Is Anna!

When we seem not to understand why we are in a particular situation or why we are feeling something we don’t want to feel, we often ask, “God, why?” I have been like that in the past few weeks, thinking and asking why I have this job, why I feel sad, and why I feel like I’ve been put in an unexpected situation when I can be in another. But I guess God is really great that He used the circumstances and the people around me in answering my worthless question.

I felt it two weeks ago. For the very first time in my life, I was envious of others’ achievements and even envied people who are working on their dream job. They seem to be really happy. Does this mean that I am not happy? No. I’m happy with my job. I am a full time auditor, working in the country’s largest auditing firm on weekdays and a part time college instructor on weekends. I am happy. I would like to believe I am. But my inner voice tells me that there are some other things that would really bring me pure joy; things that will make me alive the whole day and will make me excited to wake up when I am about to sleep.

There are a lot of people who I believe would want to have what I have right now. Some also wanted to achieve what I have achieved. And yet, this feeling stroke me like lightning.

I thought of these for a while. Then I prayed. I believe that if something bothers you, praying is the best way to calm us. And God answered me right away.

Last night, for no reason at all, I thought of how I did in the board exam. I remembered how I reviewed and how I become a CPA. And then it hit me; there were a lot of people in my batch who would want to pass like I did, but they didn’t. There were a lot who were reviewing really hard when I was in my room sleeping, but still, they did not make it. And I realized that God has a purpose. I may not know what it is until now, but I should not be asking Him what it is and why.

These brought the smile back to my face. I believe that there are a lot of things that I still don’t understand. I just have to live with the NOW. I should incorporate the gifts that He gave me with the responsibilities I have. Everything has its reason. It is me who will make me happy, my attitude in particular. Thanking Him for the things that I already have and praying to receive much more blessings which, I know He will give me, is the first step to making me the happiest person. With the help of my family and closest friends, I will not be feeling what I felt again.

And I should stop asking God why. I just have to thank Him for everything, be it good or not so good. I just have to trust Him.